Supercentenarian?

So what's a supercentenarian? A mythical creature? A superhero? Nope, it's just somebody that's lived over 100 years. No easy feat if you ask me.

I got to thinking about birthdays a few days ago on a long car ride coming back from a wedding. One of my roommates said something about thinking she had been alive for a million hours, or something to that effect. Ok, I failed college math, but she had to be waaaay off.

Thanks to cell phone calculators, we determined that a million hours is about 114 years. After we were done making fun of her, we discovered that 1/4 of a million hours is roughly 23.5 years; a milestone that is quickly approaching for me.

Birthdays are cool, but you do get one every year, so they aren't 'that' special. Now a quarter of a million hours, that's something. I mean, how many of those are you going to get? Half a million hours is pretty sweet, three quarters is awesome, but very few people have ever pulled off the whole million.

So in a few months, I'm going to party like my odometer is hitting 250,000.

















This foxy lady is a smooth 119 (aka, 1,000,000 plus hours) in this picture.

Come on Coors Light...

Give up the gimmicks!

This vent can really pushes them over the edge into lame gimmick land. Let's take a look at it. Are you serious? WTF does this do? Apparently it creates an 8 percent wider opening which allows the beer to be poured better. Maybe they should focus on making it taste better while they're at it.

How about they create a 'give me a break' can which doesn't rely on cheap attempts to make me buy their crappy beer? This sure isn't their first attempt at gimmicky advertising. Let's look back at some other methods they've used.

The frost brewed liner: Ok, so they line their cans with some space aged material that somehow makes it better? Twenty seconds on Google shows that all aluminum cans have liners in them, otherwise they would spoil the contents. Nice try Coors..

Wait a second. What's up with this picture I found? Don't tell me this is another gimmick. Maybe I missed this one. I bet the inside of the box had folding instructions for this stupid thing.

This next one is by far my favorite. I can't think of anything to compare this too. It's up there with the covers of tabloid magazines in cheap gimmicks. It's probably on the same level as the Hawaii Chair, or some other crap they show on infomercials.

The cold mountains label: You know, I was about to sip a beer the other day that I had just put in the refrigerator a few minutes prior, but I had a problem. I normally have my mommy put her finger in liquids to see if the temperature is right, but I had moved away from home years ago. What could I do? How the hell was I supposed to know if my beer was cold enough to drink?!!!

Seriously Coors, give it up.

You know the worst part is that Coors Light isn't that bad tasting of a beer, as far as cheap beers go anyway. But these gimmicks really ruin it for me. That stupid vent pushed me over the edge.

Now when I go for a cheap beer, instead of spending that extra buck to get the slightly better tasting Coors Light, I think I'll instead spend the dollar on a bottle of OJ and go for a brass monkey instead. Shame on you Coors.